We’ve all had it. A hinderance. A burden. A gut-wrenching feeling of an unsettled issue that you’ve dismayed for months, years, or even decades. Whether that aspect be a certain situation that was never resolved or a relationship that you truly never received closure for… all of which has weighed on you emotionally and psychologically.
The odd thing about it is that you may very well be at the highest point of your life right now: you’ve conquered obstacles, you’re further in your career, you’ve obtained many goals…. yet there’s that measly 10% that leaves you with a sense of unfulfillment. It leaves you with what if’s and unanswered questions. It leaves you with curiosity, denial, regret, frustration and despair. Or perhaps you’ve sunken to a new low– and with that you carry guilt, remorse and haven’t progressed since the day of that incident. All of which will lead you to a breaking point. Regardless, this is a situation that you need to address and immediately.
DO NOT, by all, means ignore the desire to resolve a burning issue. Unfortunately that emotional 10%, long-term, may manifest itself to a point that you may not be able to recover. You must address the situation head-on, and quickly. Regardless of how you may feel, everyone deserves the opportunity of closure and resolution. Be prepared to finally have an answer to close that chapter of your life.
First off, take a moment to clearly acknowledge your dilemma. This will include reminiscing on that past event. Although the past may be hurtful to conjure, this is something that you’ve already been doing in fragments. Take a moment to absorb the entire 100%. If possible, dig up old emails, conversations, photos, anything that you may have hidden from yourself and be prepared to absorb it all. Hold onto them (for now). It is imperative that you can come to terms with all that has happened. While reminiscing think of the following:
- What was I like before the situation happened? How did I feel?
- What was it like during the troubling times? How did they act/feel?
- What caused the situation to finally come at a halt? How did it cease?
- How has the situation affected me? What have I learned from it?
Again, it is imperative for you to fully reflect on what it was… as this is KEY for moving forward. The next step to closure is dealing with the present. This is the toughest part of closure, and settling unresolved issues. Before taking next steps, Ask yourself:
- What do I want? Reconciliation? A second opportunity? Forgiveness? Peace?
- How will I feel if I am denied (the above)?
The second question, being the one of most prominence, will be a test of inner strength. In some cases you may resort to a family member, friend, counselor or a form of divinity (God) for spiritual peace or strength. Be emotionally and psychologically prepared to not receive closure in the light that you prefer. Acknowledge that if denied or ignored, that you have exorcised all of your efforts in solving the manner. After this, there will be no more ‘what ifs’ or unanswered questions because silence is your answer. Being denied is your answer. Be prepared to walk away knowing that you’ve done all that you could on this physical establishment (Earth) and forgive all members involved–including yourself.
After coming to terms with the possible end results and swallowing your pride for the sake of your sanity, get in contact with those involved. Hopefully, this individual (or persons) are still within reach. Search online, social media, articles, even get in contact with friends/family to establish some sort communication. Remember, this may/may not work. Prepare yourself for the negative outcome.
This is your moment… this is one last shot.
This is the beginning of a new chapter for you. Whether a failure or a success, this is the beginning of anew.
When you establish communication, BRIEFLY tell them why you are in contact. Tell them how’ve you felt since your last encounter, and ask for a later time to meet in person for an extensive conversation. Maintain your composure. Do not explode or pour out the many many months of pain you’ve felt, but definitely tell them enough to give them an idea of where you are headed. Hopefully, the person will agree to a second form of contact. When having that conversation, not only be prepared to release the tension but be prepared to listen to theirs. They too–may have unresolved issues over the situation. They too may have been seeking closure all along. Full disclosure and openness is needed on both accounts.
Regardless of the outcome of this conversation, it is imperative that you close the door. It is officially time now for you move on. If need be, discard all articles that you reminisced on earlier in order to prevent you from looking back. Remind yourself that you have done all that you could to resolve the manner. Do NOT blame yourself furthermore, or blame others.
Accept the reality of the situation, and acknowledge the imperfections that life has. That we have. Most importantly: Forgive. Forgive, forgive, forgive. For that is all that we can do… accept that whatever transpired was the past, and we have learned from our mistakes and that we are ready to not make them again. Embrace the closure you have just received and absorb it as a lesson learned.
With love, good luck.