What Happened to Me?

“What makes you happy?” he asked as my eyes began to fill with tears. It had been just about an hour of conversing on the phone with Michael about my recent accomplishments and current complications. You can label this call one of enlightenment because this was one of definite realization. “Art, writing and being in love.” I began to explain. Sounds simple doesn’t it?

It has been over 2 years since I last wrote­­–or at least wrote anything of substance. And there’s a GREAT explanation for it: I have been tainted ya’ll. Tainted by none other than Reality. You see a few years ago I wrote…and I wrote heavy. There wasn’t a single social outlet where you couldn’t find me commenting or speaking my mind. From Facebook, to Twitter, to Tumblr–hell, you name it. I honestly believed I had the answer’s to everything…. and you know what? I kinda did (and I use that term lightly).

Looking back at my old entries, I expressed ideas on what people should do when a certain relationship complication arose, or that of family involvement, societal issues… I even discussed celebrities like Chris Brown and Rihanna. I tweeted and wrote so much I gained an audience and fan-base to where people started asking me for advice. Looking back at these entries has made me realize how amazing of a person I was and how much of a hypocrite I’ve grown to be.

You see, everything I wrote about in my younger days was solely based on observation and the livelihood of friends, family and associates. You. Anyone that I spoke to I listened to–and I absorbed their circumstance wholeheartedly and shaped my attitude/beliefs towards that exposure. I knew what I knew through their mistakes: I knew how to recognize the dilemma beforehand, how to address them when they arrived and how to follow it up so that you wouldn’t make the same mistake again. I was like the golden girl of advice to my peers without actually being placed in that situation, and I think that’s where my ignorance yet–strength developed.

Everything flowed so easily to me, at least until I was placed in a situation that contradicted everything I ever wrote. You see one can speak volumes of how one should act until they’ve actually EXPERIENCED it themselves. In that I have grown to be rather silent for the most part. I’ve strayed from social media altogether because I am less confident in speaking my own words. I am no longer sure about a lot of that I believed in before I was tainted.

This blog has been reinstated solely for the purpose of self-expression, maturity and overall growth. Things that I mention here may have never been expressed before, and although truthful I will not reveal whom I refer to in essence. I am at the stage of my life where self expression is more imperative than its ever been before—and my voice is the loudest when I write.

You may choose to learn from me if you’d like, but I must recommend learning from yourself.

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